Off the Walls
by FullmetalOddish
Summary: What happens when you put a bunch of characters in a really sad, serious situation in a college AU about partying and romance in a totally not-cliched story? They all have fun and actually laugh, once in a while. And the dead characters are alive, again! YAYY! Rated M because college students can be stupid.
1. Breaking Armin

A/N: So I've been in a huge writing stoop, recently… like, it's really bad. Anyway, I've been writing a few things of different genres/shows/games/whatever, trying to get out of the stoop, and I ended up writing this AU, so I thought I'd post it for the Attack on Titan/SNK fans. This story is purely for fun, and in a completely alternate universe… in truth, the inspiration for writing this is because of binge-watching the Youtube series Survey Corpse and thinking, "Shit, this is really sad. Why must everything I watch be sad? I'm gonna write something not sad."

And then this story was conceived. So there.

This story contains drug references (pot brownies, specifically), alcohol, Jean being a dick, innuendo, and some other stuff that you would expect, listening to a conversation between a bunch of college-level teenagers. The only truly established relationship in this is Sasha/Connie, while this story is mostly based on the relationship between Bertholdt and Annie… other than that, it's all a damn mess.

Anyway, enjoy this, uh… experiment? I don't know, anymore; just enjoy.

 _ **Breaking Armin**_

"Shit, man…" the muscular one said, his blond hair sweaty from the heat that filled the room like a furnace, "can't you turn the fan on?"

"I already told you, Reiner," Jean murmured, fanning himself with a stack of papers, "the power's out. I have to pay the bill."

"Then pay it," he responded, raising an eyebrow as he sat back in the green recliner.

"The hell do you think I am, made of money?" he grumbled, wiping the sheen of sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. "It was this or the water bill, and I'm not going a week without showering."

"Why not?" the short, bald young man asked, his mouth full of Doritos. "I've gone longer."

"That's disgusting, Connie," Eren replied, narrowing his eyes. "Damn, you wonder why the girls don't hang out with us…"

Reiner laughed, rolling his eyes. "That, and they prefer hanging out with Armin," he muttered, glancing over at the blond who was sitting on the couch between Jean and Eren. "I bet they dress him up like a doll, while he's over there…"

Armin frowned, scratching his head. "That's not true, Reiner… I-I guess they just prefer me, since they know that I'm not one to give away the details to their private conversations…"

Jean perked his head up, raising an eyebrow. "What do you mean, private conversations?"

Nearly everybody in the room set their gaze on Armin (with the exception of Eren and Marco), clearly interested.

The coconut-headed young man sputtered for a moment, like a car running out of gas. "I-I…" he mumbled, his face turning red.

"Has Mikasa said anything about me?" Jean asked, to which Marco laughed and Eren narrowed his eyes.

"Oh, come on, perv," Eren murmured, "at least wait until I've left the room…"

"Eh, you're the only one who can get a good word in for me," he answered, smirking.

"I can come up with a few different words, but they're not exactly _good,_ " the brunette replied, rolling his eyes. "If it's any consolation, she hasn't mentioned you _once_ since you two met, so at least you know she's not talking shit about you, behind your back…"

"I dunno," Marco answered, smiling, "I think that Armin would be the best resource to figure that one out, from…"

"I wouldn't want to invade their privacy…" Armin began, tapping his foot as he looked over at Jean. "I mean, they're all really nice to me, and…" He paused abruptly, raising an eyebrow as he pointed to Jean's makeshift fan. "...Is that my term paper?"

"Yeah," Jean answered, shrugging. "Why?"

"J-Jean!" he yelped, grabbing the stack of papers from him and straightening them out on the coffee table, "I can't believe you! It's in its final stages, and you're getting it all sweaty…!"

"Oh, perspiration doesn't stain…" he remarked. "Anyway, it's not like they're going to fingerprint it and get you kicked out over the suspicion that _I_ wrote it."

Reiner, Eren, and Thomas all let out a huge, hysterical guffaw, clearly mocking him as he glanced over, glaring in their general direction.

"As if you wrote it;" Thomas laughed, wiping a tear from his eye as he slapped his palm to his forehead. "The number of characters in the heading of the paper is probably higher than your IQ, alone, Jean-y boy…"

"Oh, shut it," Jean answered, kicking his feet up onto the table as Armin frowned, and the others continued to laugh.

They were interrupted when a tall figure entered the living room from the kitchen, handing out a beer to everybody but himself and Armin as he sat down near Reiner, nodding as he was thanked by most of the boys.

"Why don't you ever grab one for yourself, Bert?" Reiner asked, twisting off the cap from the bottle of beer and taking a big gulp out of it.

"Eh, I'm not really big on it," he answered quietly, smiling softly. "I tried some when I was younger, but I never really liked it…"

"I think you might like it, Bertholdt," Marco replied, grinning as he sat up taller. "I used to not like it much, either, but I ended up trying it again, and it's not half bad to me, anymore."

"I don't know…" he answered, rubbing the back of his neck.

"That's fine," he responded, shrugging. "Armin doesn't like it so much, either."

"That's because he can't handle it," Jean answered, snorting as he tried to twist the cap off to his bottle, only to find that the bottle clearly read that it wasn't a twist-off bottle. "Bertholdt, you're, like, seven feet tall; you'd be fine with just one, if that's what you're worried about."

"Connie's shorter than me, and he drinks," Armin protested, slouching forward slightly as he pouted. "I just don't care to ruin my brain cells, when they're all I have."

"Jean, neither of them have to drink, if they don't want to," Marco spoke up, frowning.

"I don't see what the big deal is," Connie butted in, grinning as he sat on the floor, trying to take the bottle cap off with his teeth. "I mean, I've been sneaking this stuff into school since we all met in Mr. Shadis's class, and I'm perfectly fine."

They all stared at Connie for a moment, glancing at each other curtly and deciding to avoid the elephant in the room.

Suddenly, Jean had a stroke of genius, and he sat up suddenly, causing Armin to flinch.

"I got it!" he spoke up, the coldness of the bottle numbing his fingers. "Armin, Bertholdt, you're both gonna give it a shot, alright?"

"My finals are coming up, Jean," Armin replied, frowning. "I have to study, or else I'll probably end up completely messing up…"

"Are you kidding, Armin?" Eren laughed, rolling his eyes. "You're probably the smartest kid in that course. I wouldn't be surprised if you had your paper completely memorized, by now… I don't think it's such a bad idea, Armin. Maybe you'd loosen up, for a bit… you know, before your hair starts falling out. You know the girls love it; you can't lose that."

He raised an eyebrow. "They do…?"

Connie laughed. "Yeah, totally. Sasha made a point of mentioning how adorable you are, when she first met you…"

They all laughed, and Armin grinned bashfully, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Well…" he muttered, "at least I get to hang out with the girls ten times more than any of you."

"I dunno…" Reiner muttered, smiling cheekily as he looked over at Bertholdt. "I heard somebody's been spending a lot of time with Annie, lately…"

"With?" Connie asked, raising an eyebrow. "Or… on?"

Bertholdt's face turned red, and he denied this quickly as Reiner chuckled, slapping him on the back.

"No, no," Berthold murmured, his face bright crimson. "Annie and I are… just friends. I don't think she likes me, that way..."

"She put you in the friend zone?" Connie asked, raising his eyebrows.

"There's no such thing as the 'friend zone', dumbass," Jean remarked, rolling his eyes.

Eren shrugged, swirling his drink around in his bottle. "Whatever… I'm pretty sure that Annie hates my guts, anyway."

"I'm pretty sure that Annie hates everyone's guts, to be fair," Armin murmured.

"She's not bad, once you get to know her," Bertholdt spoke up, his voice soft.

"I'm sure she's a really nice person," Marco laughed, smiling. "You can't judge a book by its cover, right?"

"I guess," Eren shrugged. "I thought Armin was a girl, when I met him…"

"You _what?!_ " Armin asked, his eyes wide.

"I think everyone did, really," Reiner laughed. "But you're cool, Man… just, uh… with very feminine features."

Jean laughed, nudging Armin as he offered him his beer. "Maybe you'll forget about it…"

Armin frowned. "Oh… but I was supposed to study for my English finals, tonight…"

"What's Shakespeare's hometown?" Eren asked, leaning back in his chair.

"Uh, he was born on Henley Street in Stratford-upon-Avon, which is in Warwickshire, England...:"

"Ernest Hemingway's first novel?" Reiner questioned.

" _The Sun Also Rises._ "

"Brief summary of the War of 1812," Connie added.

"W-What?"

"I think you're going to do just fine, Armin," Eren decided, flashing him a confident grin. "Bertholdt, you should give it a shot, too! Maybe you'll get the courage to ask Annie out."

"Yeah, Bert!" Reiner enthused, a big smile on his face. "You really like her, don't you?"

"Sure," he remarked, "but I'm still not so sure… what if I say something stupid?"

"We've got you covered, Bert!" the tall blond answered. "We'll make sure you don't say anything stupid."

"Are you in, Armin?" Jean asked, smirking as he looked over at the second-smallest one there. "I think you can handle it, if Connie can… you need to relax, for once, anyway."

"I don't know, guys…" Armin sighed, clearly torn.

Connie grinned, laughing. "I say you do it, Armin. Give it a shot, and if you don't like it, then you don't have to drink any more."

He pursed his lips, thinking to himself for a few moments as he closed his eyes.

Finally, he gave a quick nod, grabbing his term paper and carefully placing it into his backpack. "I'll do it."

…

 _ **Eren's House**_

"A-Alright," Armin began, sitting beside Bertholdt as Eren set a can of beer in front of each.

"We'll start off easy," he proclaimed, to which Armin nodded, clearing his throat.

"You can do it, Armin!" Marco encouraged him, smiling brightly as he leaned on the counter.

Connie laughed, crossing his arms. "You both drink on the count of three," the short boy announced. "Ready? One… two… three!"

They both quickly brought the cans to their mouths, and Armin downed as much as he could, pretending that he was drinking a soda and ignoring the taste of the stuff.

After about half the can was gone, they both pulled away, hacking as they all cheered for the two of them.

"Alright, Armin!" Eren exclaimed, laughing as he slapped him on the back. "I didn't think you had it in you! That wasn't so bad, huh? You wanna finish it?"

He laughed, feeling lightheaded as he tried to catch his breath. "It still doesn't taste that great…" he responded, "but I guess it's not _too_ bad…"

"What do you think, Bert?" Reiner asked, grinning.

"It's alright," he replied, smiling slightly. "I guess you were right, Marco…"

"What do you think, Armin?" Jean asked, his arms crossed. "You wanna up the ante, just yet?"

"Uh… I don't know…" the little coconut hesitated, rubbing his arm.

"We're not asking you to shoot up heroin, Armin," Connie added, laughing to himself. "Vodka isn't too harsh, really… it doesn't have much of a flavor at all, especially when you mix it with something else…"

"Like what?" he asked innocently, tilting his head slightly.

Jean got a sort of devious grin on his face, and he leaned onto the counter, face to face with Armin. "You like chocolate milk, Kiddo?"

…

It didn't take much time for Bertholdt to get blackout drunk, and even less for Armin to do so.

Immediately, a certain someone decided to get Armin to spill the beans while he was capable of giving away some secrets.

"So what do the girls usually talk about?" Jean asked, raising his eyebrows as Armin laughed, hiccupping.

"It depends, really," he stated. "They have a pretty wide range of topics, I'd say… the last time I talked to them, Annie was talking about Bertholdt…"

"Really?" he inquired, knitting his brow. "I barely ever hear her talk, as it is…"

"She's a little bit more open, with them," Armin explained. He wiped his mouth, realizing that he was drooling. "I heard her say that she _really_ likes him…"

"Has Mikasa said anything interesting?"

"She doesn't talk too much, either… she hasn't brought you up, if that's what you're asking. B-But," he hiccupped, "Ymir saw you flirting with Mikasa, and she brought it up…"

This, obviously, piqued his interest. "Well… what did she say about it?"

"She asked Mikasa if she had feelings for you… which she doesn't," Armin explained, taking another drink. "However, almost everyone there acknowledged that you're good-looking, and that they would date you, if your personality weren't so unbearable, sometimes."

"...I can't tell if I should be flattered or incredibly offended."

"At least you know that, if you dropped the snarky attitude, then at least one of them would at least consider dating you..." he pointed out, to which Jean hummed to himself.

"I thought Sasha was dating Connie, anyway," Jean thought aloud, rubbing his forehead.

"Nuh-uh," he disagreed, shaking his head. "They're just really close friends."

"What about Mina and-"

"Thomas? They broke up."

"Hmm..." he muttered. "You said that Mikasa wasn't interested... Do you think she could be? If... I acted differently, maybe?"

He shrugged, his cheeks bright red as he looked over his shoulder at Bertholdt, who was currently attempting a kegstand. "Maybe. All she's really interested in is taking care of Eren… I'd say that, maybe if you got on his good side and she were to hear about it, then you could stand a chance. Annie did refer to you as, 'kind of a dick', though, so I'd try to tone that down, too."

Armin looked over his shoulder again, laughing. "What is _he_ doing…?"

"Kegstand," Jean replied curtly, nodding. "Thanks, Armin."

With that, he wandered off somewhere, seeming to be in deep thought.

The others all cheered loudly as Reiner and Eren lowered Bertholdt's legs from the air, and the tall young man chuckled, hiccuping and wiping his mouth as Thomas slapped him on the back.

"That'll loosen you up!" he exclaimed, his cheeks pink as he laughed.

"What do you say?" Connie asked, grinning deviously. "You think we should give Annie a call?"

Bertholdt snorted, rubbing his eyes. "I-I guess so, yeah." He grabbed his phone from the front pocket of his jeans, amazed that he hadn't lost it, yet, as he blindly looked through it.

After a moment, Reiner rolled his eyes, smiling as he took the phone and looked through Bertholdt's contacts, pushing the call button. "It's alphabetized, Bert."

"I doubt if he can recite the alphabet, at this point," Thomas pointed out.

The phone rung a few times, and he pushed the speaker-phone button. A groggy voice picked up.

"H-Hello?"

"Hey, Annie," he muttered almost incoherently, sniffling. "It's Bertholdt."

"Bertholdt?" she asked, yawning. "Bertholdt, it's almost 2 AM… what is this about?"

"I called because it's super important," he answered curtly, stumbling over his own words briefly. "I couldn't wait to bring it up."

"Bert…" she muttered, "are you drunk?"

"Only, like, 20%," he replied.

"That's bullshit," she murmured, clearly tired. "Judging by your voice, I'd say you won't remember any of this in the morning."

"I dunno," he replied, hiccupping, "but I need to tell you something."

"...Why don't you just say it, then?"

"I have to say it in person."

She let out a sigh, audibly in disbelief that she'd woken up for this.

"Alright," she remarked. "Where are you, anyway? You definitely don't need to be driving, right now…"

The young man rubbed his eyes. "I'm over at Eren's," he told her. "I can wait out front, if you want…"

"I'll just come and see you," she responded sleepily. "You'll end up getting hit by a car. I'll be over in 5, alright?"

"Okay," he agreed, to which Connie shot a fist into the air in victory. "See you then."

"See you then."

Annie hung up, and everyone cheered, slapping Bertholdt on the back and congratulating him.

"If she likes you enough to drag herself over here at 2 AM," Marco began, "then you've definitely got a pretty great chance, Man."

"Ah, Bert's got it down to a math," Reiner chuckled. "She's got a thing for him, I can tell."

"I'd take it easy, if I were you;" Connie laughed, "Annie's probably the toughest person I know."

"Please," Eren began, rolling his eyes, "my sister's got stoicism down to a fine art."

"Yeah," Reiner began, "but she's adopted, so we know that it's not in _your_ blood…"

Connie stifled a laugh, stretching his arms above his head. "Yeah… didn't you cry back when we went to see that one movie, about the dying dog…?"

"Everybody cried during that movie," he retorted, rolling his eyes as Thomas and Reiner both laughed.

" _I_ didn't," he stated matter-of-factly, shrugging.

"That's because your heart's made of ice."

Marco looked over at Armin, who was humming something to himself as he swirled around the drink in his cup.

"How are you doing, Buddy?" he queried, smiling.

Armin nodded, not completely answering the question as he stepped off of the barstool and nearly fell over. Eren rushed over, holding onto the blond boy's shoulder as he laughed, helping him over to the couch.

"You alright, Armin?"

"I think Jean's thinking of flirting with Mikasa…" he murmured, rubbing his eyes as he grabbed the empty bottle that was sitting on the coffee table and tried to take a swig of it.

He rolled his eyes. "I don't even think he likes her. I think it's all just a conspiracy to piss me off for the rest of my life."

"Hey, Eren!" a voice called from the hallway, and he sighed deeply.

"What is it, Jean?"

"I wanted to know if you wanted to hang out, tomorrow night," he began, walking over to the couch and plopping down beside Armin. "How about a double-date?"

"Jean, neither of us has a girlfriend."

"Then you'd better get a girl fast, because I already made reservations."

"Is this about Mikasa?"

"No, this is about us. I've been a prick to you for a long time, and I wanted to make it up to you… your sister just _happens_ to be invited."

"Oh, come on, Jean-!"

Without warning, Armin suddenly sat up, leaned over the side of the couch, and threw up.

Eren looked absolutely disgusted when he realized that it was all over his shoes, and he groaned, walking off towards the bathroom in utter disdain.

Jean frowned, grabbing a paper towel from the kitchen and handing it to Armin. "Eh… you alright?"

"No…" he replied, burying his face in a pillow as he wiped his mouth and curled up into a ball.

After what must have only been a few minutes, there was a knock at the door, and all of the guys in the living room began to chatter over at Bertholdt, heckling him as he laughed softly, pushing past Connie and heading over to the door.

He pulled it open, finding Annie standing before him, clearly having dressed in a rush, as her hair was out of its usual ponytail and messy.

"Hey, Bert," she murmured, rubbing her eyes. "You wanted to talk?"

"Hey, Annie!" Connie exclaimed, pushing his way into the doorway as he laughed.

She raised an eyebrow, looking at Bertholdt. "You're all drunk, huh?"

Bertholdt chuckled, suddenly losing his nerve when he realized that he was actually looking at her, face-to-face.

"So… what? Did you call me for the hell of it, or…?"

Reiner grinned from a few feet from the door, looking over at her. "He was kind of nervous, so we decided to help him out, a bit…"

"You don't have to tell _me_ about your gay fantasies, Reiner..."

He rolled his eyes, smirking. "He wanted to talk to you, so we gave him a few drinks to loosen him up."

She looked up at Bertholdt again, having to crane her neck to meet his gaze. "Well… what's this about, then?"

"Uh…" he began, rubbing the back of his neck. "How about we talk about it outside…?"

Annie nodded. "Yeah, sure," she responded, stepping out of the doorway as he followed behind her, closing the door.

He paced around for a second, clearly nervous as she looked over at him.

"What's up?" she asked, her brow knit. "You sounded a lot more enthusiastic, over the phone…"

"Y-Yeah," he laughed, stopping finally when he noticed the guys making kissy faces at him through the window. "I mean, they're the ones who talked me into it, really…"

"About what?" she inquired, stone-cold, as per usual.

"See, I was talking about you to the guys," he remarked. "N-Not because I brought it up, but because Reiner mentioned that we'd been spending a lot of time together, lately… a-and Reiner made the suggestion that… th-that there was something more to it- N-NOT that I'm saying there is; I'm just quoting him on it…"

"What's your point?" she asked, raising an eyebrow as he swallowed hard.

"They said that I should talk to you," he murmured. "I figured that I would…"

"But did _you_ want to talk…?"

"O-Of course," he interjected. "You… you think I should keep talking? Because I can shut up, if you want me to…"

She shook her head. "No… what was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

Bertholdt took a very deep breath, trying his best to ignore the boys in the window, some of whom were writing incredibly inappropriate messages to him through the steam from their breaths on the glass.

"Annie… I-I really like you," he admitted, not meeting her gaze as his face turned red. "And I know that you probably don't like me, which I understand, but I really needed to tell you."

The blonde paused, considering this as she bit her tongue. The guys in the window waited anxiously as Bertholdt felt himself break a sweat, waiting impatiently for her response.

A few moments passed, and none came, so he forced himself to speak again.

"So…" he choked out, his face profusely red. "A-Are you going to say something? I'm really sorry if I made you angry, Annie, I just-"

He was cut off abruptly when she stood as tall as she could, a hand on the back of his neck as she locked her lips to his, to which the boys inside all began to cheer loudly.

She heard this and let go of him, turning on her heel to find Eren, Marco, Jean, Thomas, Connie, and Reiner staring back at her, their eyes wide. A few walked off in the other direction as a few others seemed to apologize before quickly scurrying off.

The young man put his fingers to his lips, his face dark red as she crossed her arms, feeling herself blushing as she tried to hide her face.

"I, uh…" she stammered, coughing into her hand. "I should be getting home, now… I have school in the morning."

"Right…" he muttered, hardly paying much attention as he gazed down at her, perplexed.

"I'll… see you tomorrow, okay?" Annie asked rhetorically, to which he nodded.

"Of course…"

She began to walk off towards the curb, where she had parked her car, only to slow down after a moment. "Hey, uh… Bertholdt?"

"Yeah?" he asked shyly, his face warm as he looked over at her.

"...Call me, alright?"

A big grin spread across his face, and he nodded, lowering his gaze. "Yeah… y-yeah, of course, Annie! Of course…"

"See ya…"

"See ya!"

With that, she got into her car, starting it up as he opened the door, wandering back inside as everyone (except for Armin) crowded around, yelling wildly as they all laughed, celebrating.

"You did it, Bert!" Reiner laughed aloud, taking a big drink of his beer.

"If you can tame the shrew," Connie began, chuckling, "then this calls for a celebration in your honor."

He raised his glass high above his head, cheering, "To Bertholdt!"

They raised their drinks above their heads. "To Bertholdt!"

"By the way," Thomas began, snickering as he looked at Bertholdt, "it's kind of hilarious, seeing you kiss Annie..."

"Yeah," Jean remarked, laughing. "You may have to buy her a step stool, this Christmas..."

"It's like seeing a Chihuahua and a Giraffe," Connie remarked. "I mean, how are you two going to-?"

"Alright, alright," Bertholdt spoke up, his cheeks red. "I get it..."

"We're proud of you, Bertholdt," Eren declared, grinning as he grabbed his arm. "Just don't throw out your back trying to look her in the eyes..."

Jean smirked to himself. "She's like 5 feet tall, right? And Bertholdt's over 6 feet?" He snickered, taking another drink. "You think it still counts as 'going down south', or would she be heading towards the North Pole...?"

"ALRIGHT, I GET IT," the tall young man blurted out as everyone laughed, clearly at the point where they'd probably give a breathalyzer test alcohol poisoning.

"Don't tell Annie that we mentioned it, okay...?" Marco muttered, laughing nervously. "I think that the girls probably have enough of a grudge against us..."

"Well, they'll have an even bigger grudge, once they find out that we broke Armin," Reiner remarked, glancing over at the young man, who was draped over the arm of the couch like a towel.

"Nah..." Eren remarked thoughtfully, "we'll have him cleaned up before he sees any of the girls again; I guarantee it."

As if by command, a knock came at the door, and everyone looked over.

Bertholdt wandered over towards the sound, slowly opening the door and not being sure if he should have been relieved or terrified when he saw that it was Annie.

"Hey," she murmured, clearing her throat, "I figured that, since I'm here, I'd ask how things are going on the partner project that we were working on..."

"Oh, right..." he murmured. "You... wanna come in?"

"Sure," she replied, somewhat surprised that practically every guy she knew was at the get together.

Annie stepped inside as he closed the door behind her, covering her nose after a moment.

"Ugh..." she muttered, "Eren, your house smells like shit."

"If it's any consolation," Reiner spoke up nonchalantly, "that's actually vomit..."

She wrinkled her nose. "Ugh... how much have you guys had to drink?"

"Bertholdt and Armin had the most, I think," Marco remarked, rubbing his neck. "I, uh... think that the smell is Armin's doing, though..."

Bertholdt frowned, muttering something about grabbing Annie a beer as he scurried off towards the fridge in the garage.

She furrowed her brow, walking over to the couch where Armin had blacked out, drooling all over himself.

Annie looked over her shoulder at the guys. "...How the hell did you morons convince him to do this?"

"Convinced him that he didn't need the extra time to study for finals," Connie remarked. "It worked, I guess... hopefully he forgets about all of this."

"He's one of the few people who keeps you all from being your stupid selves," she grumbled, rolling her eyes.

"But you don't think that Bertholdt is stupid, right?" Jean asked, smirking boldly.

"Well, no, of course not... w-wait..." she looked back up at him. "Get that shitty look off your face, Seabiscuit."

"Are you two already planning your wedding?" he asked, unfazed by her words.

"I don't know," she started, "I wouldn't want it to intersect with the date of your wedding with a cardboard cutout of Eren's sister. Then again, you'd probably just put a wig on Marco, change your last name to Ackerman, and call it a day..."

"Oh, shut up, daddy issues," he muttered, to which she raised an eyebrow.

"Your complete disregard for your loving mother is more worrying, I think... is that why you all gathered for this sausage fest?"

Reiner smirked. "You think we had anything better to do on a Saturday night?"

"I thought it'd be better than this," she stated simply. "At least call up Ymir and Krista and enjoy the fact that _somebody's_ getting laid, tonight..."

"Yeah, Annie," Eren remarked, "because your _infamous_ for being a party animal..."

"If I can smell vomit before I even make it to the living room of the house," she began, "then you're doing something incredibly wrong."

"Or incredibly right," Connie spoke up nonchalantly, smirking.

She rolled her eyes. "That's hardly even debatable," Annie remarked.

"If you think it's such a sausage fest," Jean remarked, grinning, "then how about you invite some of the girls from your dorm…?"

"Very few of them would tolerate this," she spoke up.

"Sasha would," Connie pointed out.

"She's not much of a girl…"

"Neither are you."

"Not the point. I'm not waking them up at 2 A.M. for your party… if you can even call it that."

"Oh," Eren spoke up, "does Annie Leonhardt actually have some sense of compassion for others?"

"Sorry for not being more of an asshole like you, Eren," she remarked coolly, "I just try not to piss off the people that I spend so much time with."

Reiner smirked. "You could just move in with Bertholdt," he chimed in cheekily. "I'm sure he'd be up for it, anyway…"

"You're going to keep that up?" she muttered, scowling.

He shrugged. "Only if you keep denying it."

"Who says I was denying anything?"

"Ballsy move, Annie."

"Whatever… I don't have to answer to you."

"But you've got Bert wrapped around your finger," he explained. "You could kick him in the balls so hard that they recede into his body, and he'd still crawl back to you."

The vast majority of the guys cringed at Reiner's statement, and she shrugged.

"Is that what happened to you, Reiner? I'm starting to think that you just want us together because you can't get laid, yourself."

"Or maybe Bert's my friend, and I want him to be happy?"

She frowned slightly. "How... how long have you known that he...?"

He snorted, rolling his eyes. "He's had a crush on you since elementary school... when we celebrated Valentine's Day at school, he always gave you a special card, you know..."

Connie smirked as Annie thought to herself briefly.

"Yeah... he mentions you pretty often. He's got it bad, that one..."

After a moment, Annie bit her lip. "Alright... I'll invite some of them over," she explained. "But only because I don't want to deal with you assholes, myself..."

"You're staying?" Marco asked, smiling.

"Only for a bit," she answered curtly, grabbing her phone from her pocket. "I'm pretty sure that some of them are still awake, anyway... you guys owe me big time."


	2. Maria's Wrath

**A/N: I don't condone drinking, eating pot brownies, etc... which I thought I'd mention in advance. College students can do stupid things, as all people can, but that doesn't mean that you should, too. That being said, don't blame the poor author. This chapter is rated M, as per usual, for the aforementioned reasons, plus language, innuendo... all that fun stuff.**

 **Live long and stay in school, kiddies B)**

 **Maria's Wrath**

The doorbell rang within half-an-hour of Annie's phone calls, and the guys all pushed past each other to open the door, clearly enthusiastic.

Jean was able to make it to the front, promptly opening the door and leaning against the doorway when he saw Ymir and Christa standing before him.

"Glad you made it," he greeted them, and Christa gave him a smile as Ymir snorted, pushing past him and into the house.

"Alright, I'll cut to the chase," Ymir remarked as Christa followed closely behind her, "I'm here for the booze. Give it up, or I'm out."

"Relax," Reiner remarked, smirking as he handed her a bottle from the cooler that they'd set up by the living room. "You think any of us could handle each other, if we _weren't_ drinking?"

Christa laughed as Ymir grinned, opening the bottle and taking a drink out of it.

"I doubt it," Ymir murmured, wiping her mouth. "So Annie said that you guys were suffering, and that you needed a feminine touch, to this place."

Eren scoffed. "Oh, so she invited _you,_ Ymir?"

"Damn right," she murmured, grinning snarkily as he rolled his eyes. "I'm a goddamn princess, compared to all of you gorillas."

"Speaking of princesses," Reiner laughed, nudging Christa on the shoulder, "how's it hanging, shortstack?"

She blushed, to which he laughed, messing up her hair.

"You been taking care of her, Ymir?"

"More than you know…" Connie remarked, to which Ymir took another drink, humming to herself.

Christa cleared her throat, tapping her foot. "Hey, uh… where's Armin?"

In reply, Marco frowned, pointing over to the couch where he had passed out.

"You guys really screwed up," Ymir remarked, shrugging. "Hey, if Annie's here, then where is she? Did you guys hold her hostage to get the other girls to come over?"

"Annie would beat the crap out of us, if we even considered it," Thomas remarked. "She's with Bertholdt, I think, in the garage…"

"Sounds kinky," Ymir remarked, to which Reiner laughed.

"Nah… you and I both know Bert, and he's… well, he's not, uh…"

"Dirty enough to have sex in a garage?"

"Dirty enough to have sex, in general, really."

Ymir almost spit out her drink, causing Christa to jump as the freckled one gazed at him strangely.

"Bertholdt's a virgin?!"

"You didn't know it, already?" Eren asked, raising an eyebrow. "Have you _seen_ the guy…?"

"I'd have thought that he'd have gotten laid, at some point!" Ymir remarked, to which Reiner put his finger to his lips, scowling.

"Hey… keep it down, alright?"

"There's no way anyone would've had sex with Annie, by now, anyway, " Connie spoke up, tapping his foot on the ground. "She's hot and all, but her personality's pretty hard to get past. Bertholdt's got some high tolerance... or just a really big libido."

"He's liked Annie, for the longest time…" Reiner added. "I seriously doubt that a libido has anything to do with it. It's easy to see past someone's poor attitude when you like them, that much…"

"You really think he's serious about all of it?" Jean asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Are you serious about wanting to have sex with my sister?" Eren asked, glaring at him.

He smirked. "I never specifically mentioned that…"

"But I know you're thinking it."

"What? Are you acknowledging that your sister's incredibly beautiful?"

"I'm acknowledging that you're a pervert. So shut up."

There was a ring at the doorbell, and Marco stood up, walking over and opening the door.

Sasha, Mikasa, and Mina stood outside.

"Hey, Marco!" Sasha greeted him, smiling as he opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off when Mikasa stepped inside and made a beeline towards Eren.

"Speak of the devil," Eren greeted her, but she simply scowled, grabbing the beer bottle from his hand and setting it down on the coffee table.

"Eren Jaeger," she growled, "it's almost 3 in the morning, and you have classes tomorrow! What are you thinking-?!"

"Hey, Mikasa!" Jean spoke up, grinning as he slid over to her. "Look… it's not Eren's fault, alright? I told him that it would be a good idea, and I'm really sorry…"

"Why would you do that?" she murmured, raising an eyebrow as Eren tried to figure out what Jean was thinking.

"I'm sorry…" he apologized, shaking his head. "Look, he was studying all day for finals, and I just wanted him to have a break, for once… I'm really sorry, Mikasa…"

They all gazed on, including the girls who were still in the doorway, in utter disbelief.

Mikasa frowned, crossing her arms. "Well… I know we don't know each other well, Jean, but… thank you for looking after Eren. He tends to get himself into trouble… and ever since I moved into my own dorm, I haven't been able to keep an eye on him... I'm glad that his friends are looking out for him."

Eren looked over at Jean, glancing back over at Mikasa at short intervals and snapping his fingers beside both ears to be sure that everything he was hearing was correct.

"It's no problem, really, Mikasa," the horse-faced young man replied, smiling softly as he took another drink of beer, grabbing one from the cooler and offering it to her.

"Uh…" she began, unsure of whether or not she would be a hypocrite for accepting the offer. "I… thank you, Jean."

"No problem," he answered, handing her the bottle as Eren turned on his heel, clearly aggravated as he walked off somewhere in the house.

Sasha processed this for a moment, wandering inside towards Connie and leaning in close to him.

"Did you just see what I did?" she whispered, nudging him on the shoulder.

"Yeah…" he answered, smirking. "And… I think that Jean's a genius."

…

"You think they're talking about us?" Annie asked, sitting in one of the lawn chairs that had been unfolded as the two of them sat in the garage.

"Why would they be?" Bertholdt asked, his long legs stretched out in front of him as he looked over at her.

She shrugged, looking out at the stars that sat in the sky beyond the open garage. "We're out here alone… plus, they're a bunch of prepubescent assholes who think that it means that we're having sex, out here…"

He felt his stomach turn at the mention, and he tried to play it off, laughing nervously as he felt himself break a sweat. "Yeah… they can be immature, but… they're still good guys."

Annie hummed, leaning back in her chair as she looked over at him. "Something wrong? You look sick…"

"I'm alright," he stammered, rubbing the back of his neck as he lowered his gaze. "I just… I…" Bertholdt took a deep breath. "I really do like you, Annie… I have for a really long time, I guess."

As a truly extraordinary sight, she smiled, and his eyes widened. "I guess I should've figured that out, by now… guess I'm not as observant as I thought I was."

She gazed over at him, and his breath caught in his throat as he looked at her, only able to think of how beautiful she was.

"You've really sobered up, since we talked on the phone… were you faking it so that I would be obligated to come pick you up?"

"No…" he answered, chuckling as he loosened his collar. "I just… Reiner had this idea…"

"Oh boy," she huffed out, to which he laughed.

"No, no, it's not as bad as it usually is…" he answered, shaking his head. "He, uh… part of the point of me getting drunk was so that I could get up the nerve to ask you out on a date. I guess that, uh… actually seeing you really sobered me up."

"What?" she asked, smiling as she leaned a bit closer. "Afraid of doing something stupid?"

Bertholdt swallowed hard, his heart pounding against his chest. "I'm more afraid of doing something stupid, right now…"

In response, she rested a hand on his cheek, pulling him closer and pressing her lips to his.

His muscles relaxed after a moment, and he gingerly placed his hand on the back of her neck, returning the gesture.

She pulled away after a few seconds, and he looked into her steely eyes, looking like a deer in the headlights.

"S-So..." he began, swallowing hard. "Do you want to... go on a date with me? On, uh... Saturday evening?"

"Sure," she answered, nodding.

"R-Really?" he asked, perking his head up as she nodded.

"Yeah... where to?"

He panicked for a moment. "U-Uh... how about... a movie? O-Or dinner? Or... both?"

She snorted. "You've... never been on a real date, have you?"

"Not exactly," he answered, blushing. "Is it obvious...?"

"Not completely..." Annie responded. "But... I know you, and that was my guess."

"What do you mean by 'real date'?"

"One that you set up or agreed to, yourself. Not a blind date, or one your parents fixed you up on..."

"I went on a double date with Reiner and his ex, once," he told her. "It, uh... didn't go too well. He invited his former roommate to be my date, but she was, uh... sort of a-"

"Raging bitch?" she asked, to which he smiled.

"No... but she definitely got around..."

"You're probably the only guy I know who would be made uncomfortable by something like that," Annie said, her arms behind her head.

"I just... it's weird, isn't it? Trying to get into someone's pants on the first date...?"

"Not unusual, I suppose, but perverted, still. Did she really...?"

He nodded, and she laughed, rolling her eyes.

"What did you do?"

"I told her that I wasn't interested... and she ended up getting really pissed off because she thought I was saying that she was ugly, so she just walked home... I tried to give her a ride home, but she just flipped me off and kept moving."

Annie laughed. "I think I know the roommate you're talking about... is her name Hitch?"

"Yeah, actually. You know her?"

"I've had a few classes with her, before. I forgot that she was Reiner's roommate... but yeah, she's definitely popular with the guys. Overhearing the conversations that guys have had about experiences with her is the reason why I don't use the campus bathroom, anymore."

He shuddered. "Ugh… I don't think I'll use the bathrooms anymore, either… I really don't want to know."

She shrugged. "Mmhm… it's astonishing, how many guys have stories about her. I heard that she once-"

There was a knock on the door, and she cut herself off, looking over towards the sound. "...Yeah?"

The door swung open, and Connie poked his head in. "Hey. We were gonna… play a game. You guys wanna-" He stopped himself short. "Wait… were you guys talking about Hitch Dreyse?"

"A game?" Annie asked, furrowing her brow. "What is this, middle school?"

Connie smirked. "You can wuss out if you want to, but we like to have fun."

She thought to herself briefly. "You know Hitch Dreyse?"

He laughed, rubbing his eyes. "Yeah, you could say that…"

Bertholdt raised an eyebrow, and Annie processed this, a look of utter disgust in her eyes. "Connie… don't tell me that you-"

He snickered, and she scoffed, shaking her head.

"I thought that you at least had _some_ standards… I just lost a whole lump sum of respect for you… _seriously? Hitch Dreyse?_ "

"It wasn't exactly that," he remarked. "Just, uh… a certain type of engagement in the janitor's closet, for a few minutes…"

"You should definitely get yourself checked out," Bertholdt remarked, seeming to be completely serious.

"I'm sure it's fine," he responded pensively, rubbing the back of his neck. "I mean, the risk is a lot lower when it's all oral, isn't it…?"

Annie wrinkled her nose, clearly grossed out as she looked away. "Ugh… we didn't need the details. If we come with you, will you stop talking about it?"

"Sure thing," he answered, winking as she grumbled to herself. "Let's get going."

…

"Alright," Sasha began, sitting in the circle that had gathered around the coffee table, "before we start, do you have any beer nuts, Eren?"

"No, we ran out," he answered, to which she grumbled.

"Ugh… do you have any nachos?"

"No."

"Doritos?"

"Nope."

" _Twinkies?_ "

"Nuh-uh."

"What do you even eat?" she asked, frowning as she leaned back against the couch, practically sitting on Armin.

"I dunno… just raid the fridge and find something, Sasha."

The hungry young woman groaned, picking herself up off the couch and dragging herself over to the kitchen.

"I think everyone's here," Jean began, rubbing his nose.

"Where are Thomas and Mina?" Marco asked, stretching his legs out in front of him.

"Uh…" he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. "Last I saw, they were together, and they went off somewhere…"

Eren let this sink in for a moment before clenching his jaw and swearing to himself as he marched off towards his bedroom.

"Anyway," Connie started, "we're gonna play truth or dare."

"It really _is_ middle school…" Annie remarked, rolling her eyes.

"Alright," he began, clearly ignoring her, "Mikasa, truth or dare?"

She frowned, clearly not being one for party games. "Um… truth…"

"Did you know that Jean is completely full of shit?"

"What the hell, Connie?" Jean snapped, scowling at him.

"I…" she muttered, raising an eyebrow. "What do you…?"

"Just in general," Connie remarked.

"Hey, Connie," Jean spoke up, "truth or dare?"

The short boy gulped, worried as to what he'd gotten himself into. "Uh… truth…?"

"Is it true that you screwed Sasha on New Year's?"

His eyes went wide, and he stumbled over his words as the majority of the group gazed at him wildly.

"I…" he murmured, furrowing his brow. "Uh… New Year's Resolution successful?"

Annie took a drink of the bottle that was on the table, rolling her eyes. "I think that Connie's gotten laid more than all of us, combined…"

"What do you mean ?" Reiner asked, smirking as he sniffed a bit. "Who'd he get with?"

"Hitch Dreyse," she replied before Connie could stop her, though he was clearly panicking.

They all flinched, most of them covering their ears, when a voice shrieked.

" _ **YOU HAD SEX WITH HITCH THE BITCH?!**_ " Sasha practically screamed, dropping all the food that she was holding as she clenched her fists at her sides, infuriated.

"I-It's not what you think, Sash!" he responded quickly, a nervous laugh forcing its way out of his throat. "I-I didn't _sleep_ with Hitch, I just-"

"YOU SAID THAT YOU WERE A _VIRGIN,_ YOU MANWHORE!"

"I was! ...I-I mean, when you and I were together... I was!"

"You're making things worse, Connie," Annie remarked, grabbing the closed bag of chips from the floor where Sasha had dropped them and opening them up.

"Don't you even dare! You brought this up, Annie!"

She shrugged. "Maybe you shouldn't cheat on your girlfriend, then."

"I didnt! This was before Sasha and I started dating-!"

" _EW!_ " Sasha exclaimed, looking as if she were covered in spiders. "Oh my God, Connie! Do you know how many diseases I could have right now?! You let her grind against you with her slut-musk, and now I probably have every STD known to man!"

"You're fine, Sash!" he assured her, visibly destroyed. "I-I mean... y-yeah! Damn, we're lucky, and I bet that'll carry on till the end!"

She stomped out of the room, and everyone stared at Connie.

"Didn't you use protection?" Reiner asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Uh..."

After a few moments of hesitation, the group deflated.

Jean rested his face in his hands. "Connie, you really are the stupidest one here. Like, seriously... what the fuck."

"That was at least six months ago, right?" Marco began, trying to cheer Connie up. "If either of you did have anything bad, then you would've figured it out by now, right?"

"Yeah," the bald young man agreed, nodding slowly. "You're right, Marco!"

"You're still an absolute idiot, Connie," Jean remarked, "even despite what freckled Jesus decides. I don't have much money, but I say that we all pitch in and buy you a year's supply of condoms. All in favor, say, 'I'."

"I," the entire group agreed, and everyone pulled out their wallets, setting a bit of money on the table, each, while Connie scowled down at the floor.

"I'll run to the store for you," Marco told him cheerfully, smiling as he picked the money off of the table and gathered it, folding it away neatly as the young man shook his head angrily. Without another word, he walked off, exiting the house and closing the door behind him.

"Go apologize to your girlfriend, moron," Annie practically ordered him, flicking a tortilla chip in his direction as he sighed, wandering off towards the kitchen.

A long silence ensued as they all sat around the table, unsure of what to say.

"Well..." Mikasa finally spoke up, clearing her throat, "this has been... eye-opening. I don't play truth or dare often, but I can't imagine that most games of it go downhill that quickly..."

"That's what happens when things get too personal," Reiner explained, rolling his eyes.

Thomas and Mina came running out of the bedroom, barely dressed as Eren shouted obscenities at them. He followed closely behind them, and the conversation became a bit more clear.

"What the fu- I thought that you guys broke up, anyway!"

"Things change, Eren!" Mina shouted defensively.

"Don't even go there!" he barked angrily. "Our English professor caught you making out with Samuel behind the library less than a week ago!"

"What the hell, Mina?!" Thomas asked, glaring at her as she rubbed the back of her neck.

"I-It isn't my fault!" she responded defensively.

"Oh, I'm sure it isn't-!"

"How about some truth or dare?" Ymir asked, obviously just wanting for them to shut up as she leaned back, jumping when Armin gasped from behind her.

"A-Ah!" Armin exclaimed, visibly startled as he glanced around, confused. "U-Uh... whose back am I staring at...?"

"Uh... mine," Ymir spoke up, clearing her throat. "I forgot you were there, Armin..."

"You feeling alright, Buddy?" Eren asked warily, resting a hand on the fragile little coconut's head.

"Not really..." he answered, looking paler than usual. "I don't feel good, Eren... W-When did the girls get here...?"

"I'll get you some water, Armin," Mikasa said softly, standing up and heading towards the kitchen. Jean watched her closely before following after her, which Eren didn't even seem to notice.

"You poor thing," Mina lamented, sitting down beside him and frowning as she tilted her head at him.

"What," Thomas began, "are you going to try and sleep with Armin, too?"

"GO SUCK A BIG ONE, THOMAS!"

"ONLY ONCE YOU TEACH ME HOW TO, SLUTMASTER GENERAL!"

"Shut up," Annie spoke up, glaring at them. "Can't you see that Armin's in distress?"

"That's... really nice of you, Annie," Reiner murmured, his surprise palpable.

"Shut up, Reiner."

"Ugh… my grandpa hasn't called, has he?" Armin asked, frowning as he rubbed his forehead.

"Nah," Eren replied, shaking his head. "He's probably asleep…"

"You live with your grandpa?" Mina asked, raising an eyebrow.

He paused for a moment before nodding.

"Oh my goodness, how can anybody be as adorable as you?"

Practically all of the girls in the room melted, and the majority of the guys looked disgusted at how they were putty in Armin's hands, and he didn't do anything about it.

"What the hell, Armin?" Eren muttered, poking him in the back of the head. "If the rest of the guys can't have it, then at least take advantage..."

"Huh?" Armin asked, rubbing his eyes.

There was a bit of a commotion coming from the kitchen, and Jean emerged with Connie, yelling at him, for some unknown reason.

"-What the shit, Cue Ball?!" Jean barked, glaring down at the young man. "You absolutely ruined it-!"

"Ruined what?!" he growled. "You think you can get with Mikasa? I'm just trying to reconcile with my girlfriend, Prick!"

"Maybe you shouldn't let Hitch Dreyse blow you, then-!"

"THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO, HORSEFACE! SO SHUT YOUR MOUTH! JUST ACCEPT THAT YOU HAVE NO CHANCE WITH MIKASA AND CRY IT OUT LIKE THE GIRL YOU ARE!"

"What are you talking about...?" a voice came from the kitchen, and the girls walked out, confused.

Mikasa looked over at them. "You two are acting incredibly immature... I really just think that you should-"

She was cut off abruptly when Jean rested the back of his hand on her neck, pulling her in and crashing his lips against hers, to which the entire room stared in awe.

Except for Eren, of course, who was clearly infuriated.

After a moment, Jean let go, pulling away and walking off somewhere as Mikasa stared off into space, completely stiff.

"Jean, _are... are you kidding me? Are you serious right now? I... WHAT THE FUCK?!"_ is the gist of what Eren yelled at the man, chasing after him as everyone stared in awe.

"...What just happened?" Sasha muttered to Connie, nudging him on the arm.

"Holy shit..." Thomas muttered, his brow furrowed. "Racing Stripes actually kissed the hottest girl in the city."

"State," Reiner muttered, his jaw slightly open.

"All of my fantasies..." Connie whispered under his breath.

"And he was so nonchalant about it..." Mina remarked pensively.

After a moment, she shivered, humming to herself in deep thought. "...Is it just me, or is Jean looking particularly good today...?"

"Close your legs for a goddamn minute, Mina," Thomas muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Anything for you."

Annie looked over at Mikasa, who had barely moved a muscle as she looked at the wall.

"Seabiscuit throw you for a loop?"

"I-I..."

"He's kind of insane about you, if you hadn't noticed... I'd be worried, if I wasn't already certain that he's plugging freckles."

Ymir furrowed her brow. "You'd better be talking about Marco."

"I am," she muttered, rolling her eyes. "You'd be the one plugging Jean, anyway... all of the guys already gave up trying to get into your pants. Your girlfriend, on the other hand..."

"That's not necessarily true," Krista laughed nervously, to which Ymir narrowed her eyes.

"The hell are you going on about?"

"Guess the guys around here are into little girls..." Annie carried on, and Bertholdt became visibly more concerned as the seconds passed. She took a drink. "Pretty fucked up, I know... but I guess you're into it, too..."

"Who the hell's been talking about Krista?" Ymir snapped.

"A few guys," she answered, and Bertholdt murmured something, nudging her on the arm.

Of course, she ignored him. "You know, I think Reiner mentioned something about her..."

"Reiner's as straight as a rainbow," Ymir scoffed, rolling her eyes. "My gay-dar is pretty up to par, I'd think..."

Annie looked over at Reiner, who simply glared at her. "Everything has an exception..."

The freckled young woman looked over to the muscular blond pointedly. "What's she talking about?"

"It's nothing..." he answered, gritting his teeth.

"No," she spoke up, to which Krista tried to make her stop as she gently muttered something to her. Ymir stood up, walking over to him. "No, what is it, Reiner? Please, enlighten me."

"It's really no big deal, Ymir," Bertholdt chimed in, sweating nervously. "He just... h-he said some things before, when he was drunk..."

"Like what?" asked Ymir, to which Reiner stood up.

"It's not important," he muttered, hoping to shake her up.

She laughed. "You wouldn't hit a girl, would you?"

"I don't see any girls around here."

"Well, this room doesn't have any mirrors, so..."

A knock came at the door, and Mikasa walked over, still in slight shock as she opened it.

"Dude, you won't believe what I-" a young man began, laughing as he looked into the paper bag in his hands. He cut himself off abruptly, looking up at Mikasa in utter fear. "Oh- uh, hey, Mikasa...!"

"Samuel?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to visit Eren..." he explained, his voice wavering. "I-I..."

"What's in the bag?"

"Nothing, really..." he laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. "I mean, some spices and such, for the chicken that I was going to make... I'm studying to be a professional chef, you kno-"

"Which one of your limbs do you need the least?" she muttered, her eyes dark.

"W-What do you mean?"

"I mean that one of your appendages isn't going to be intact when you pull up to the ER in a few minutes. I don't want to cripple you for life, so..."

"A-Alright!" he shouted, tossing the bag to her. "You can have it! I'm sorry, Miss Ackerman, I really-"

"We're the same age, Samuel," she began coldly, "just call me Mikasa."

"Yes, ma'am- I-I mean... Mikasa!"

"And Samuel?"

"Yeah?"

"Go home."

"Will do!" he agreed quickly, nodding and waving as he hurried off, hopping onto his car as quickly as he could as she rolled her eyes, closing the door and setting the bag on the table.

"Unbelievable... he must think I'm a moron."

"Who was it?" Thomas asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It was Samuel."

Connie laughed, looking over at the paper bag. "Holy crap, is that-?"

He fell silent, feeling Mikasa's glare directly on him.

"...The, uh... seasonings. For dinner tomorrow."

She narrowed her eyes, digging into the bag and stopping dead in her tracks, after a short moment.

"B...Brownies?"

Most of the guys in the group looked at each other.

"Y-Yeah," Connie muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's kind of embarrassing... we were gonna throw a bake sale, but we really can't cook... so we asked Sam to help. It's a fundraiser... for the college."

"Why didn't you just try and find something else to do? You know... instead of baking?"

"We couldn't think of anything creative enough..." he muttered. "Plus, I don't think that we'd do well washing cars in our underwear, like some of the girls..."

"I dunno," Ymir murmured, grinning, "Bertholdt's got legs for days..."

Bertholdt felt his face turn red as she laughed, and Mikasa rolled her eyes.

"You only have one plate of brownies in here... you'll barely get anything, for these."

"You're right," Connie muttered, snapping his fingers. "We'll have to have Sam make more... but then these ones won't be as fresh..."

"I guess we'll have to eat these ones, now," Reiner remarked, shrugging nonchalantly. "Who wants one?"

"Ugh, I'm starved," Sasha spoke up, her stomach growling. "I'll take a few..."

"You really shouldn't," Connie remarked, frowning.

"Are you calling me fat?"

"N-No! I just... you'll make yourself sick. Brownies are really dense, and I don't want you to end up puking everywhere, like Armin did..."

"I'm still having at least one," she answered. "I haven't had brownies in forever..."

Ymir gave a slight grin, clearly aware of what was going on. "I'll have one."

"Me too," Thomas and Mina both spoke up, looking over to Mikasa.

Jean walked out of the hallway, rubbing his head as he walked past everyone and grabbed a brownie from the tray, stuffing the whole thing in his mouth and muttering something to himself.

They all stared on for a moment, and he raised an eyebrow when he noticed their expressions.

"...What?"

Mikasa cleared her throat quietly, avoiding his gaze as she grabbed the plate and walked it over to the coffee table, setting it down as a bunch of them dug in.

She took one for herself, taking a bite and sitting down on the couch as everyone but Krista, Armin, Annie, and Bertholdt grabbed one, and Eren trudged out of the hallway, clearly ignoring Jean.

"Those look pretty good... where are they from?"

"Samuel brought them over," Mikasa responded, taking another bite as his mouth hung agape.

"Samuel did...?"

"Oh..." Jean muttered, having just figured things out as he nodded slightly. "Samuel... I forgot I called him, earlier."

"You what?!" Eren snapped, marching over to him.

"What the hell is the issue? You usually-"

" _My sister is here, asshole!_ " he whispered angrily, grabbing him by the collar and walking towards him.

"Eren," Mikasa began, "what's wrong...?"

"Nothing," Eren laughed, "Jean's just being a prick, as per usual-!"

"Calm down, Girls," Annie muttered, developing a headache as she shook her head.

"Shut up, Jaeger!" Jean barked, his fists clenched at his sides. "What, I'm not allowed to eat the brownies because your sister is here?"

"That's not the point, asswipe!" he growled. "I don't want my sister eating them!"

"Eren, what's the issue?" Mikasa asked, furrowing her brow.

"They're pot brownies, Copernicus," Annie said, rolling her eyes as the room deflated.

"What?" Mikasa asked, her eyes narrowed.

"What the hell, Annie?!" Eren and Jean both shouted angrily.

Eren marched over to her, only to trip and fall into the coffee table as she put her leg out in front of him.

The glass shattered beneath him, and he lay there, groaning to himself as Mikasa ran over and half the room stared at Annie.

She shrugged, pulling her legs onto the couch and taking another drink. "My bad."

"Eren, are you alright?" Mikasa asked worriedly, helping him up and checking to see if he was bleeding.

"I'm fine," he mumbled between his teeth, glaring at Annie. She gave him a sort of look, and he rolled his eyes, looking away. "Guess I drank too much and got clumsy..."

"Don't think this means that I'm not mad at you," Mikasa growled. "You're still in college; you need to get it together and stop hanging out with all of these morons!"

"Screw you too, Mikasa..." Connie muttered, rubbing his eyes.

"They're my friends, Mikasa," he snapped. "At least I _have_ some!"

"That's not fair, Eren," Armin interjected, frowning.

"Yeah, we all know that Mikasa lives vicariously through Eren..." Annie remarked, and Bertholdt shot her a glance, not sure that Mikasa was one to get into a fight with.

"I have my own life, thank you," Mikasa growled. "And I don't need friends, because I have family..."

"An adoptive one, at least..."

"I'm sorry; _when_ was the last time you talked to your dad...?"

"A lot more recent than the last time Eren spoke kindly about you..."

"Ah... well, at least I know it's tough love and not just whatever the hell you have with your parents..."

"You know the last time one of the guys here talked about your sunny personality over your ass? ...Yeah, me neither."

"Because you're a real ray of sunshine, yourself..."

"At least I'm smart enough to know when a group of people actually likes me for who I am."

"You must not get to test that hypothesis, often... I can't imagine anyone wanting to date someone as inherently rude as you if you drove an ice pick into their frontal lobe."

"Ever heard of a bump and dump? You should probably study up on the term, since it'll be the basis for every relationship that you ever take part in."

"Alright," Eren spoke up sternly, furrowing his brow. "That's enough, both of you... how about we all just admit that nobody here is perfect?"

"I don't know " Reiner remarked, "I think it's pretty interesting..."

"Look, I'm not perfect, either," Eren continued. "I pissed myself last year, during spring break, and I had to change into a pair of khakis that I found at the store, nearby."

They were all silent for a moment.

"I-I ate two whole pizzas in one sitting, before," Sasha remarked, frowning.

Connie rubbed the back of his neck. "I used to shave my legs..."

"I didn't talk until I was four-years-old," Bertholdt explained.

"I broke my arm sledding down the stairs," Reiner said, shrugging.

"I had sex with Hitch Dreyse," Mina admitted, clearing her throat.

After a moment, Thomas sighed. "...Yeah, me too."

"I stuffed my bra until the 8th grade," Ymir added.

"I _still_ stuff my bra," Krista agreed.

"I spent my 11th grade spring break memorizing a dictionary," Armin sighed.

There was a short pause as Jean furrowed his brow. "I... I went on a date with Marco, before..."

They all turned and looked at him.

"...H-How did it go?" Sasha asked, clearing her throat.

"A lot better than I'd hoped," he muttered in reply.

"See?" Eren asked rhetorically, crossing his arms. "None of us are flawless..."

"Doesn't mean your sister isn't a bitch," Annie remarked.

Eren narrowed his eyes. "That's it; honesty hour. Just to incriminate everybody in here so that we're all on the same page, raise your hand if you're a virgin."

There was quite a bit of hesitation, but Mikasa, Armin, and Bertholdt's hands went up after a moment.

A few glances were shot around, and Jean grit his teeth, raising his hand.

The whole room looked around. Ymir shrugged as Krista lowered her gaze, Reiner smirked to himself, Mina and Thomas looked away, and Connie and Sasha high-fived each other.

They all looked at Annie, whose arms were crossed as she glared at the floor.

"You're not a virgin?" Eren asked, to which she rolled her eyes.

"I never said that," she spit out. "I don't have to answer your stupid question..."

"That's a shame," Eren remarked, "because everyone else did..."

"Whatever," she grumbled, "that's my business..."

"Who was it then?" Eren asked.

"What do you...?"

"Who did you sleep with?"

"I-I..." she stammered, "I didn't..."

"You didn't sleep with anyone?" he asked.

Annie glared at him, to which he raised an eyebrow.

"No," she muttered, "I didn't."

"So you're a virgin?"

She continued to glower at him. "I hate you."

"I know. But at least we're all on the same page, right?"

"What about Marco?" Reiner asked, looking over at Jean.

Jean shrugged. "I don't know... hard to imagine that he's gotten any, but..."

"He hasn't mentioned anything like that to you?" questioned Connie.

Seabiscuit _Jean_ shook his head. "No... even if he isn't a virgin, he really isn't one to talk about that kind of stuff."

"Where _is_ Marco, anyway...?" Eren asked, raising an eyebrow.

"He went to buy a year's supply of condoms for Connie," Reiner stated, shrugging.

"Oh..." Eren asked. After a few seconds, he raised his eyebrows. "Wait, what...?"

"Connie's stupider than we previously thought."

"Oh… cool beans…"

"Shut up, Jean," Connie snorted. "Least I'm getting some, at all…"

"Hey, Jean," Annie started, rubbing her nose as she leaned back in her seat, "after some careful consideration, I think that you should join the National Derby. Marco could ride you to the finish line in a breeze…"

Connie laughed. "I know that a popular kinky thing to do is to cover someone with whipped cream… so does Marco do the same thing to himself with sugar cubes to try and get your attention, or…?"

"What are you into, Bud?" Reiner asked, smirking. "Apples, carrots…? I mean, everyone's got a fetish…"

"You guys are all assholes," Jean muttered, shaking his head.

"Assholes that love you," Sasha laughed, to which he snorted.

"Right... I can tell."

The front door opened, and the room grew quiet as Marco walked into the room, holding a couple of grocery bags.

He set them down on the coffee table in front of Connie, huffing out as he rubbed his arms.

"There... it should last you quite a while, depending on how often you..."

The freckled one trailed off, looking around.

"Uh... is something wrong?"

"You guys are more embarrassing than my parents..." Sasha muttered, burying her face in her hands. "Do they still sell chastity belts? Because I think I want one..."

"I dunno," Eren breathed out. "Annie probably knows, though..."

At this, Annie continued looking at her phone, promptly flipping Eren off as he laughed.

"But seriously," Sasha continued, walking over to Annie, "are those still a thing?"

"A cheaper solution would be to keep your legs closed," she remarked, to which Sasha scowled.

" _Don't you think I try?_ " she whispered, crossing her arms.

"Maybe," she carried on, "but you must have a pretty weak will if you succumb to the charms of a leprechaun."

"They're magically delicious," Armin added, laughing to himself.

Everyone stared at him.

"...You know, like... Lucky Cha-"

"Yeah, we get it," Jean said blandly, looking at him.

There was a long silence, and the blond coconut coughed.

"...Anyway, go on with your conversation."

"Annie, teach me your ways!" Sasha implored, dropping to her knees. "Teach me how to revirginize myself!"

"No going back now, Potato Girl," she muttered, scrolling through her phone.

Sasha narrowed her eyes. "You... still call me that?"

"Everyone does," Annie replied boredly, shrugging. "What, you think we'd forget about that whole incident?"

The brunette began to visibly fume at this, and she let out an angry grunt, knocking Annie's phone out of her hand and standing up.

They all gazed at Sasha with wide eyes as Annie clenched her fist, her jaw clenched. Gingerly, Bertholdt bent over and picked up her phone, offering it to her.

Furious, Annie stood up, and they all scooted away.

"What?!" Sasha barked, assuming her Kung Fu position and looking her dead in the eyes. "Connie, back me up, here!"

"Uh..." the young man muttered, "I don't know about that... maybe you should step away, Sasha..."

"You want a piece of me?!" Sasha barked at Annie like a ferocious Chihuahua, and Connie stepped forward, pulling Sasha away by the arm.

"Let me handle this!" she insisted, growling at Annie as he dragged her off to the kitchen in an attempt to calm her down. "Let me teach her a lesson- I TOOK KARATE IN THE THIRD GRADE, YOU KNOW...!"

Bertholdt glanced at her phone momentarily, raising an eyebrow. "Were you just scrolling through your settings...?"

Annie shrugged, visibly peeved as she sat down beside him once again. "I thought that if I looked busy, then she'd leave me alone..."

"You obviously don't know her that well," Jean muttered, rubbing his eyes.

There was a short silence as everyone huffed out.

"So, uh..." Marco began, "does anybody want to play another round of Truth or Dare?"

"I'm out," Annie immediately spoke up, to which Jean smirked.

"But you're the life of the party, Annie; we could never play Truth or Dare _without_ you..."

"I think you might like it, Annie," Armin suggested, laughing nervously. "You should at least try it, I think..."

"Truth or Dare?" Reiner spoke up, smirking as he eyed her.

She rolled her eyes. "Truth."

"Is it true that you once dumped your lunch on Professor Levi and blamed it on Eren?"

She nodded, and Eren glared at her.

"So you finally admit it!" Eren exclaimed, clearly angry as she completely ignored him.

"Truth or Dare, Eren?" Annie asked.

Knowing Annie, he decided to play it safe.

"Truth," he decided, still ticked off.

"How big was your tax refund, this year?"

"...What?"

"You heard me."

He considered this for a moment. "Oh... I get it. You want us to think that you're only going to ask really boring, meaningless questions so that we'll kick you out of the game."

Annie hummed. "Is that what you think, Jaeger? I was thinking of majoring in business; I'm not allowed to get a read on your financial status?"

"...Are you actually interested by it...?"

She rolled her eyes. "Of course not, dipshit. You wanted me to play the game, after all..."

"You just have to be a little creative," Marco enthused, smiling softly.

"Or manipulative and cold-hearted," Ymir spoke up, grinning.

Annie looked back at Eren. "Fine. Tell me, Eren; is it true that you have a thing for Professor Levi?"

He choked on his own words, and Mikasa looked over at him.

"I-I..."

"Is every guy here ambiguously gay?" Mina asked.

Ymir shrugged. "Depends on who you ask."

"Doesn't Professor Levi have a thing for the campus nurse?" Armin asked, sitting up.

"I thought it was Headmaster Erwin he had a relationship with," Mikasa replied, furrowing her brow.

"But what about Professo-"

"That's enough," Eren spoke up, rubbing his forehead. "Look, I don't _like_ him, I just-"

"Want him to bend you over his desk and take you to Poundtown?" Reiner asked, his face appearing to be completely serious before he cracked a slight grin.

"No," Eren muttered between his teeth, his face red.

"We should have a drinking game for every time someone says something gay," Jean muttered, swirling around what was left left in his bottle of beer.

Ymir snorted. "We'd all have alcohol poisoning before the sun rose..."

Eren sighed. "...Jean, Truth or Dare?"

"Dare," he answered, grabbing another brownie and taking a bite of it.

Eren thought to himself. "I dare you to drink the rest of the vodka in the freezer."

Jean glared at him. "You don't remember what happened on Spring Break?" he muttered breathily.

"When you made out with Marco?" Eren asked quietly, smirking as Jean's nostrils flared. "Yeah, I remember."

Jean furrowed his brow. "Whatever..." he declared, walking off to the kitchen, grabbing the vodka from the freezer and heading back.

"Just so you know," Eren continued, "you can't give someone a truth or dare back, right after they dare you..."

"I know," he remarked nonchalantly, taking a big drink from the bottle and wiping his mouth. "Mikasa; truth or dare?"

"Uh..." she muttered, rubbing her eyes as Eren let out a slight yelp of surprise. "Dare, I guess..."

"I dare you to share this with me," he continued, to which Eren flared up.

"What?!" he shouted.

"Sure," Mikasa replied, eyeing Eren as his mouth hung open.

"... _What?!_ Mikasa, why-?!"

"You hate Jean, right?"

"Yeah, of course, but you-!"

"Consider this a punishment for your lack of responsibility," she told him, to which Jean flashed a huge, cheeky grin.

Eren grit his teeth. "How could you-?!"

"Hand it over," Mikasa told Jean, to which he handed her the bottle, and she took a swig.

She wiped her mouth, looking over at Ymir. "Truth or Dare?"

"Dare," she answered, smirking as she leaned forward.

"I dare you to trade shirts with Reiner."

She laughed, and Reiner smirked as Annie rolled her eyes.

"We all know that Reiner's been dying to take his shirt off and show off..."

"Don't mock what you don't have," he added cockily, pulling off his shirt as Ymir took hers off, and they traded.

Bertholdt chuckled, looking over at him. "That shirt's never going to fit you..."

"You don't have any sentimental feeling towards this shirt, do you?" Reiner asked Ymir, to which she chuckled as she put his shirt on.

"No... feel free to rip it, you hunk of a man."

He pulled her shirt over his head, clearly uncomfortable as the shirt stretched horribly over his chest, not even reaching his bellybutton as laughter filled the room, and he flexed his biceps.

"You truly have no shame," Annie remarked, an almost unnoticeable smile playing on her lips.

But everyone did notice it, of course, and a silence filled the room like noxious gas.

Connie leapt up like there was a spider on his foot, pointing at her. "You… holy _shit_!"

She looked at him oddly, glancing up and down at him. "Are you on drugs, or something…?"

Jean rolled his eyes. "You sound like you're 40, when you say that… what are you, my mom…?"

"No," she replied nonchalantly. "I just happen to have brain cells, unlike the rest of you. Of course, hanging out with you all, I couldn't possibly have many left…"

"But seriously," Connie began, stunned, "you actually..."

"Get over it," she responded, rolling her eyes.

"How can I?" he questioned, gawking at her. "I haven't ever seen you-"

"What?" she asked, her eyes narrowed.

"-Smile," Sasha broke in, biting her lip as she gazed over at Annie.

Annie rubbed her eyes. "Maybe none of you deserve to," she mumbled. "What the hell have any of you ever done to make me happy?"

They all thought you themselves for a minute.

"Uh..." Eren began, "Marco's a really nice guy..."

"Huh..." she muttered, thinking. "That's nice. I wouldn't know, seeing as how rarely he actually talks to me..."

They all looked over at the freckled young man, and he simply sat there, his hands on his lap.

"I, uh... I-I'm sorry if I haven't been very talkative, Annie; it's just that... you don't really like to talk much, and I wouldn't want to-"

"Whatever," she muttered, yawning. "I think I'm gonna head home... Bertholdt, Reiner, do you want a ride...?"

"I'm gonna stay for a bit; I'll just walk back," Reiner answered, stretching his arms above his head.

"That's convenient..." Eren muttered.

" _What?_ " Annie snapped.

"N-Nothing..." he murmured. "Annie, Bertholdt... drive safely."

"And remember that even oral sex is counted when it comes to indecent exposure..." Ymir remarked, sniffling.

Annie shot a death glare at her. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying to wait until you get home to blow your boyfriend," she answered.

Bertholdt looked like a sunburnt lobster as he trudged out of the house, avoiding everyone's gaze.

Eren laughed nervously. "ALRIGHTY, HAVE A SAFE TRIP ANNIE. HEY, YOU CAN STAY IF YOU WANT, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A PRAYER CIRCLE- HOW ABOUT THAT JESUS-?"

"I'm already leaving, Jaeger, you don't have to further drive me out," she muttered, her jaw clenched. "Ymir?"

"Yeah?"

"Fuck you."

"See you later, Annie. I hope you don't have trouble reaching his dick..."

"I hope your girlfriend gets pregnant."

"Hey, don't forget to take your testosterone pills- you know how hospitable you get without them..."

"I will; oh, and don't forget to take your estrogen. Wouldn't want your dick to grow back-"

"Alright, ladies, let's call it a night!" Eren finally decided, standing up and leading Annie out of the door. "Goodnighttt!"

He closed the door behind her, closing his eyes and letting out a sigh. "At least that's over..."

"I'm a horrible person..." Marco whimpered, his eyes wide as Jean frowned over at him.

Eren sat down on the couch beside Armin. "You feeling any better?"

"Barely..." he answered softly. "I'm sure it'll go awa-"

He was interrupted when Eren's phone rang, and everyone looked over at him.

"Annie crash, already?" Ymir asked, clearly peeved.

Eren picked up his phone, his eyes widening when he looked at it.

"Who is it, Eren?" Mikasa asked, slightly concerned at his reaction.

"It's... Professor Levi..." he answered.

The entire room fell silent, and he pushed the answer button.


End file.
